


a little too much

by marcasite



Series: world enough and time [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friendship, Mutual Pining, Post-Battle of Scarif, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 08:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15553770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcasite/pseuds/marcasite
Summary: The Alliance has brought her a small family, so she stays.She is quickly partnered with the smuggler, Han Solo, who alongside the Jedi, helped destroy the Death Star over Yavin. She is not a flirt but her friendship with Han has brought out a more playful side of her that she did not think she is capable of and deep down she knows that they are more alike than different. She enjoys the laid-back attitude Han exudes, can feel the insecurity leveled underneath the exterior and understands what it means. With Han, she never worries that she will say or do the wrong thing, she never worries how she must come across, all angles and rough edges. He makes her laugh in a lifetime where she has laughed so little and he simply accepts her the way she is.He is as warm to her as Cassian is cold.





	a little too much

The weeks and months after Scarif were a blur of injections, bacta treatments, and countless droids poking and prodding at her. The days were endless meetings, negotiations, and just the daily struggle to heal. She knows her injuries are minor, mainly battered and bruised from her fight on the catwalk, nothing that she could not recover from so her main priority, once she is released from med-bay is trying to discover what happened to the rest of the crew that had left for Scarif. She was heartbroken to discover that there were only eight survivors out of their original crew and weeps quietly the first night in her newly assigned quarters, mourning for those that were lost and yet deeply relieved that her small crew had made it out alive. 

Barely.

Bodhi had severe burns and it took weeks of treatments and therapy to help him heal. He will always have pain in his right arm, but he was able to recover enough to enlist with the Alliance as a cargo pilot and mechanic. Both Baze and Chirrut spent a few weeks in therapy, healing from their injuries but they also found a place in the Alliance, teaching and training.

Cassian had spent two months in med bay, undergoing bacta treatments and countless surgeries to repair his shattered leg and broken back. In the beginning, she made it a point to swing by to visit, to say hello, or try and keep him company but it became clear to her early on, that her presence wasn’t entirely welcome. He was always polite, asking her if she was settled and what team she was assigned to, but she always got the feeling he was simply waiting for her to leave. When he is finally released from med-bay, she tries to reach out to him and curate a friendship the way she has with Bodhi but he makes it clear that he neither needs or wants her friendship.

It makes her a little bit sad to believe that they had come together to accomplish a mission only to realize that when he had welcomed her home, he was not including himself in that. She misunderstood and quietly berates herself for it.

She has to question her decision to stay, the motives becoming blurred when she asks herself what the _real_ reason is. She knows she only chose to stay initially, because she believed that it would be something Cassian would want (that was before). She knows that is the initial reason but when she thinks about it, really thinks about it, she knows she stays because the Alliance provides her with a small amount of safety and for the first time in her life, she realizes that she can make a difference, that by staying she can think outside herself and her immediate needs and do something bigger.

The Alliance has brought her a small family, so she stays.

She is quickly partnered with the smuggler, Han Solo, who alongside the Jedi, helped destroy the Death Star over Yavin. She is not a flirt but her friendship with Han has brought out a more playful side of her that she did not think she is capable of and deep down she knows that they are more alike than different. She enjoys the laid-back attitude Han exudes, can feel the insecurity leveled underneath the exterior and understands what it means. With Han, she never worries that she will say or do the wrong thing, she never worries how she must come across, all angles and rough edges. He makes her laugh in a lifetime where she has laughed so little and he simply accepts her the way she is.

He is as warm to her as Cassian is cold.

She catches Cassian’s eye from time to time, random moments through the day. He always frowns when he looks at her and she always feels like she is caught doing something wrong. Most days, his glances to her are neutral and impassive, usually a stare through her if she catches them. But it’s the way he glares at her in briefings, neutral expression gone and in its place, a stare as stony and cold as planet they recently relocated to. The briefings are usually long and tedious, with senior leadership droning on and on about everything and nothing she cares about. She usually spends these meetings as far back as she can possibly get away with and always with Han for company. He usually whispered jokes, poking as much fun as he can and not a briefing goes by where he doesn’t get called out for one transgression or another. It pleases Jyn that it usually isn’t her being called out, though that has happened from time to time.

It’s these moments with Han in the briefings where she will catch Cassian’s eye and be rewarded with a searing glance, eyes dark and angry. She wants, just once, for him to look at her with something other than contempt.

She knows that they are not friends, that she is a subordinate even though they work in different divisions. She acknowledges to herself  that he never really liked her; didn’t want the responsibility of their mission to Jedha with her and his contempt for her was clear after Eadu. But she thought that things had changed with Scarif, so she is at a loss to understand what she has done to earn this level of disdain from him. She sometimes wonders if he blames her; for the losses on Scarif, the fact that he still is not medically cleared for missions, or even for the loss of K2.

She knows she is lying to herself when she says it doesn’t hurt at all.

  


+

  


Weeks pass and she hops from one mission to the next. She always finds time to catch a meal with Bodhi or to quietly sympathize with Baze when the cold seeps into his joints. She is quietly settling into her new life with the Alliance and finds that she feels useful; feels like she is contributing something more and she is, for the most part, happy.

She’s sitting in the mechanic’s bay handing pieces of equipment to Bodhi when Han pokes his head through the bay doors. “Erso, when was the last time you spoke with Leia? I can’t find her and she asked to see me.”

“Not my turn to watch her, Solo.” Jyn drawls while passing Bodhi a piece of metal that just looks like debris to her eyes.

“Ugh, I’m probably going to get yelled at again.” Han grimaces and turns to walk away.

“I would count on that, Solo.” Jyn laughs as she watches him walk away.

“I don’t know what you see in him.” Bodhi has crawled down and is sitting next to her, wiping his hands on a rag. “And the way those two fight…”

Jyn shrugs, “We get along and that’s not fighting, that’s foreplay.”

“Jyn!” Bodhi scrunches his nose and jumps down, “You should be more respectful.”

Jyn jumps down next to him, “Of the Princess? It’s not lack of respect, it’s just truth.”

Bodhi nods and indicates that he’s leaving. “You eating with us today?”

“Yeah, I’m just going to pack a few things up and I’ll catch up with you. Save me a seat.”

She’s put the last of the tools and turns to leave, bumping into Cassian and dropping her bag.

“Uhhhh.”

He bends to pick her bag up and hands it to her, “He’s right.”

“What?” Jyn hasn’t heard him say a word to her in months.

“Bodhi is right. You should be more respectful.” Cassian’s words are clipped.

Jyn sees white sheets of flames moving over her eyes, an anger that curls up from deep inside and she blinks quickly to tamp it down. Visibly controlling her rage, she looks at him, a superior officer, and bites out, “Yes, sir. I should show more respect, sir.”

She turns and walks through the bay doors, moving as quickly as she could and misses the way Cassian's eyes track her moves and his shoulders slump in defeat.

Jyn grabs a quick lunch with Bodhi, anger still radiating off of her. Bodhi doesn’t know what happened but can tell something is wrong. He doesn’t ask but watches her warily and they are both relieved when they finish.

Jyn returns to her room and stares at her datapad and has made up her mind to find Chirrut to work off some of this anger when there is a knock on her door. She opens it to find Cassian standing in front of her, eyes dark and distant. She steps back reluctantly, to let him in but he shakes his head, declining. She waits for him, waits for him to explain why he has shown up at her door after months of no contact and his bitter words today.  

He stares at her a moment longer and sighs quietly, “I am shipping out tomorrow morning, I have a mission.”

Oh.

She nods, “Do you know how long for?”

“We are planning two weeks but are hoping for less than that.” He hasn’t really looked at her since he started talking.

_We._

She doesn’t know why he’s here, she doesn’t understand what he wants, doesn’t know the right words to say and it breaks her heart a little.

“So, um, you’re going with someone in Intelligence, not going alone.” It’s not a question. “That’s good. So, uh, thank you for letting me know. I’m happy that you’ve been cleared.”

Cassian just nods at her and she adds, “Stay safe, Cassian.”

He lifts his head to look at her, his face still and quiet. She can see that he is trying to say something, trying to express some idea but is struggling with the words. She wants to encourage him, wants to know what he is thinking but knows that this is something he has to decide for himself. He was the one who chose to remain aloof, he was the one who pulled away from their “what if”, he was the one who he decided he didn’t want the friendship she had extended. 

He needs to decide what he wants since _she_ doesn’t know what he wants from her.

The silence stretches until Cassian clears his throat and turns to leave, “I thought...you would want to know...that I am leaving.”

The words bubble to the top of her throat before she can stop them, her anger and confusion from earlier in the day flowing out. “Why, Cassian, why would you think that I would want to know that you are leaving?”

He freezes for a beat, half turned away from her before slowly turning back to face her. She hasn’t finished speaking, “In the past two months you have not said one word to me before today. Not one word. And then when you finally decide to speak to me, it’s to criticise me and what can I say back without getting in trouble? The only time you ever look at me is when you have no choice and usually that look is either your “i don’t give two hells face” or “what have you done wrong now face” so I am not entirely clear why you would think that I would want to know that you are leaving?”

The silence settles between them,dark and murky until Cassian looks away first. He nods at her and leaves without saying a word. She presses her lips together and lets him go, watching as he walks away from her room. She’s angry enough that a workout with Chirrut is a MUST do right now. She turns and grabs her bag off the bed and heads out to meet him.

  


+

  


Sweaty, annoyed, and simply pissed off, she returns to her room to clean off and simply paces for another thirty minutes. She feels restless and can still hear the echo of her angry words to Cassian roll around in her head. A knock interupts her thoughts and she hesitates as she eyes the door.

He wouldn’t come back, would he? No.

Han is waiting at the door, leaning against the frame. “Erso, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?”

“Drinks! Everyone is meeting at the cantina, looks like the Pathfinders are back in town.”

Jyn smirks at Han’s description but she already knows she’s going with, anything to take her mind off of Cassian.

Except.

Except he’s the first person she sees when she walks in behind Han.

Perfect.

Han is pushing his way towards the makeshift bar, casually placing his hand on her shoulder to help guide her. She shrugs it off and he doesn’t really notice or care which is pretty typical of him. He’s already yelling out for drinks and Jyn is letting her gaze float around the room. It’s pretty busy but it usually is when the Pathfinders have made their way back from a mission. She loves the vibe of these nights, cheerful despite the cold.

She takes her drink and works her way over to where Bodhi has carved out a small area against the wall. “Hey, it’s crazy in here.”

Bodhi nods, “Yeah, one of these days Draven is going to shut this down.”

“Nah, it’s good for morale.” Jyn takes a sip of her drink and watches Kes Dameron, a sergeant in the Pathfinders, flirt outrageously with his girlfriend, Shara Bey, as well as the inept Han trying to flirt with a few female rebels at the bar. She smiles fondly at him, knowing he can be quite charming when he wants to be but will inevitably muck it up. Her eyes drift over to Cassian and then quickly away but not before she notices that he is nursing his drink and in the company of two people she doesn’t recognize.

Probably Intelligence people, more likely, people he will be going out with tomorrow.

“He keeps watching you.”

“Hmmmmm?” Jyn’s eyes are still moving around the room.

“Cassian. He keeps looking over at you.” Bodhi leans over, “You know, he’s not a bad guy. I know you guys never seemed to quite hit it off but he always stops and asks how I am doing and if I’m settling in ok. I see him do the same with Baze and Chirrut, like...like he has um, a vested interest in making sure we are all fine.”

Well, that did not make her feel better. A vested interest in everyone from Rogue One except her.

Bodhi keeps talking, his voice low and quiet in the din of the cantina, “I heard he was shipping out tomorrow, finally got medically cleared for mission duty. I am sure he’s excited.”

“Bodhi, you do know Intelligence missions are generally not something to get excited over, yeah? I’m also pretty sure he’s not capable of that emotion.”

“Jyn. You don’t mean that.” Bodhi frowns when he looks over at her.

She sighs, she doesn’t mean it but their one way conversation today has left her a little bitter.

“Besides, you know what I mean. I am sure he’s just excited to get off this freezing excuse of a planet and do what he’s trained to do.”  

She wants to stop talking about Cassian, wants to stop thinking about him. “So is Baze and Chirrut coming out tonight?”

“Don’t know, but I see Luke over there flagging me down. I’m going to go over, wanna come?”

“No, tell him hi.” But Bodhi has already started to move towards the opposite of the crowded room.

Jyn takes one more sip of her drink and lets her eyes roam around the room. She’s only so comfortable in situations like this so this might be a good time to go back to her room. At least there she won’t be aware of Cassian (probably scowling at her) across the room.

  


+

 

 

She hasn’t been back in her room ten minutes before there is a quiet knock at her door.

She opens it and has to admit to herself she is almost not surprised to see Cassian standing there. She leans against the open door, body partially shielded, and waits.

Three times in one day, it’s a record.

“Can I come in?” Cassian's voice holds hesitation.

“Why?”

“So I can talk to you.” He runs his hand across the back of his neck and she can feel the cool air of the halls seep around him but she doesn’t move.

“Will you?”

“What?”

“Talk.”

“Trying to.” Jyn can hear the exasperation in Cassian’s voice and can feel herself bend, slightly. She moves aside to let him in and shuts the door, leaning against it. Even though the cold air is outside the room, she swears the temperature drops a few degrees.

“So, talk.”

Cassian moves to stand in front of her, expression closed. She is really starting to hate when he wears that face. “I’m not angry with you.”

Jyn looks at him puzzled and he sighs, continuing. “You said that I always look like I am angry with you about something. I’m not. I’m angry at myself most of the time.”  

She’s going to regret this, “Why?”

“I’m angry because I had the opportunity to get to know you better and I threw it away, I’m angry because I spent so long trying to heal and was not able to go out and do my job and I’m angry because I watch you have fun and flirt with that scoundrel Solo all day.” Cassian’s voice is low. 

She stares at him, not sure where to even begin. But decides quickly enough, “I don’t flirt with Solo, he’s my partner.”

“Jyn, I see you at the back of the meetings, the two of you creating your own little world, not really paying attention to anything going on. It drives me crazy.”

She can feel the slow burn of anger from earlier today, wants to yell and scream at him to stop this, but tamps it down. Hard and deliberately. “I don’t understand, Cassian. Help me understand. Why should anything I do bother you?”

Cassian just watches her, as if he has already said too much. He presses his lips together and shakes his head before speaking.

“Kriff Jyn, I watch the way you laugh with him, how open you are with him and I just want you to look at me like that.” Cassian mutters, “The way you look at him is open and honest and every time you look at me, it’s...contained.”

She is shocked, “But, ummm, that’s the way I feel every time you look at _me_. I just want you to look at me without...this derision on it. Honestly Cassian, what have I done to make you look at me the way that you do.”

Her voice grows wistful, “I thought that we could be friends, you know, after...but…”

He starts when he hears her tone and he starts to shake his head, “That’s my fault, too. I really wanted your company when I was recovering but I thought it would be better...easier...if you could just move on. I...I wanted to be, um, friends but by the time I figured out what to say it seemed to be too late. You...yeah.”

Jyn looks at him in surprise. This whole time. She knows she is terrible at this, terrible at friendships, terrible at anything remotely personal and is only starting to realize that maybe she is not the only one.

She starts to laugh and watches as a scowl starts to creep over Cassian’s face. He thinks she’s laughing at him but honestly, she’s laughing at this whole situation, she’s laughing at them. She reaches out a hand and places it on his arm and watches as his face relax once he understands she is not making fun of him.

“Cassian, we wasted these months, wasted. Of course I want to be your friend, I assumed you wanted the same,” she shrugs, “and it was clear to me that you felt...differently.”

“No, Jyn, no I just…it's too late...” Cassian’s voice lowers and dies out.

She reaches out tentatively; carefully not sure of his reaction and steps closer to him and hovers near him, not touching. “Hey, there’s still time, it’s not to late if you want...we can be friends.”

Hovering next to him, she feels like this whole conversation is surreal that they are really trying to figure out how to be something that should be so natural.

“I want you to know how sorry I am that I pushed you away in the beginning, I wanted you to know before I left tomorrow. I want to ask...if..”

“Yes,” Jyn murmurs, “Of course.”

  


+

  


The sun has barely pulled over the horizon when Jyn finds herself standing at the back of the flight deck watching for Cassian through the swarm of activity. She has her scarf pulled tight around her neck and her arms wrapped around herself. She is trying to stay out of the way of the moving vehicles and pedestrians, while keeping a lookout for Cassian.

She finally sees him as he makes his way over to the U Wing that he would be flying on. He has a small bag slung over one shoulder and she watches as he stops to talk with another rebel, probably flying with him on this mission. She wants to talk to him desperately, beg him to be safe, to come back but she is hesitating because this new thing between them feels so fragile and unsteady. Still unsure exactly what they are to each other, still not completely sure in what he wants from her, even though they talked quietly for a few more hours last night. She thinks they established they would be friends but she knows that what she feels for him is so ao much more and it’s why his rejection had hurt so much.

Cassian has boarded and the group is ready to leave, the last of their gear stowed. She makes up her mind to walk back into the base, out of the cool air of the hangar and before she can turn away she sees Cassian’s eyes sweep around the hanger and fall on her. His eyes linger, warm and clear, and he looks happy to see her. She smiles at him, across the hanger, and waves a hand. She pushes every happy thought, every well wish, every demand for his safe return into her expression and hopes he can see it in her face.  

He does. He nods his head and turns to leave.

He said two weeks. Two weeks.

  


+

  


It’s the longest two weeks of her life.

Jyn has spent it either snapping at everyone or getting pummeled by Chirrut in their workout sessions. It finally got to the point where Han yells at her that they both need to get off this base so he convinces Leia to let them on a non-existent supply run where they both worked off some steam, cheating the cheaters. All in all it is a good mission though Leia has a few choice words for Han when they return.

“I’ll show her!” She can hear Han muttering.

“Sure, sure, you go show her.” Jyn laughs as she passes him on her way out of the Falcon.

Bodhi is stepping up to her as she walks down the ramp, “Perfect timing, Bodhi. Want to grab some food?”

“Hey, I was going to see Cassian. Heard his ship is landing and want to see how he did on his first mission out.”

Jyn turns to look at the open doors of the hangar and can see that the U Wing is landing. Cassian is back.

She doesn’t hesitate but runs full-tilt out to the ship, leaving behind a startled Bodhi. He isn’t going to miss this so he trots after her.

She watches as the doors opens and a few people come off the ship. She is still running when Cassian emerges and appears to look around, quickly. He sees her almost too late but manages to drop his bag and open his arms as she runs into them at full speed. He crushes her to him and she burrows her face into his chest, arms wrapping tight around him. He pushes his face into her neck, breathing deeply.

“Cassian, you’re home. I’ve missed you.” She knows she is babbling but can’t stop herself. “I know we said friends, that we wanted to be friends but I think of you as so much more than a friend. I want you to know that, can’t believe I didn’t tell you before you left. I’ve missed you...”

“Sssh, sssh, it’s ok. It’s ok.” Cassian is soothing her, brushing his hand over her hair. He pulls back and she realizes that they probably have an audience and he is trying to let her go. She starts to untangle herself from his arms when he leans down and captures her mouth with his own. He pulls her even closer and kisses her as if he were drowning and she is the air he needs to live. The smell of his skin, his soap, is like a drug, dragging her under and she knows she can die happy having finally kissed him.

His tongue flicks at the seam of her lips, and she opens readily for him. He continues to kiss her and she hears a low moan in his throat and he pulls back only when the sound of applause breaks through the moment. Cassian grimaces and bends his head to hide his face in her neck. She laughs softly and whispers in his ear, “Welcome home.”

 

And she means it.

**Author's Note:**

> This just sort of happened and I almost feel like there could be a sequel or prompts in this verse...?
> 
> Hit me up on tumblr any time, [leaiorganas](https://leaiorganas.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
